Yesterday marked a really important day in my life; my BB and I marked our 4th year anniversary :-). So I've decided publish on my blog a post a wrote for a friend's blog last year December. Not too far ago, bah? It's the story of us, more about her though.
Here it goes.
It's been four (4) years since we began our walk. I must say, when we started, I wasn't sure how we'd build our relationship. I'd been reading some books, though, but ultimately my motivation was I just wanted to learn how to love her and make her happy. Experiences over these years have taught me one lesson: keeping a relationship is work, if you're not ready, DO NOT START!
How did it all start?
We met in school, in our first year. That was a point in my life where all I wanted to be was just a help to people in whatever way I could and not have to make them so close to me. I was coming from a 1-year wait for admission where a big lot had happened to me.
Prior to meeting her I'd met 3 people, or do I say been in 3 close relationships. The first relationship was good for about a year and it somehow just went like that, the distance I suppose. The second, we were getting to know each other and then I had to leave. The third still makes me feel sad because the aftermath was avoidable and she was someone I respected and held in high regard. What happened then hurt me so much and made me indifferent about my not passing JAMB examinations that year. That somewhat gave me some time to heal and learn some truths. What happened in the third? Sex happened. For reasons I now understand, all my defences were done. It was as if I'd forgotten all about purity and holiness that I'd been brought up with. I had forgotten the promise I made to myself of keeping myself a virgin for my bride. (I know that's not common practice now but where I come from, it's the norm) In short, I had let down my parents, those that trusted in me, my sisters, even myself and also my Father. At that point, I wished I would just die (later didn't as I didn't want to go to hell). So I had to live through the pain and disappointment I had brought to myself and my loved ones. My parents accepted me and corrected me and I thank them so much for still choosing to believe in me. I gradually started gaining my self confidence back and that was the point I decided to help people but not make them too close cause I couldn't trust myself to do the right thing always. That was the year I met the Holy Spirit and I began growing.
So back to my story. I wrote JAMB again, passed it, miraculously got admission into the university to study medicine. In school, I joined a fellowship, Medical Science Students Fellowship, MSSF (a fellowship for students in their first year studying any of the medical sciences). This was where I met her. I was the General Secretary of the fellowship at the time and I just tried to get along with everyone, like I said, help them which ever way I could. I had 2 close friends (we walked together). They were a guy & her. We all meet in our first year. With all that had happened in the past year, I told Daddy that I wasn't looking for a girlfriend again, so every time I had a crush on someone I always went to Him to kill it. And the crush would go. This I did every time. I learnt how to intentionally not do favours, especially to girls, as I feared sending wrong signals. Being very nice and always wanting to make people happy had gotten me into trouble and it was time to build strong walls. In our first year, we got quite close. Then I noticed I began missing her too often, and I had to withdraw. I wasn't ready for another relationship, I just wasn't prepared to have memories come back (and I remember pictures damn too well).
What did I do? I wrote her a letter and explained my stand. Now I know she cried after reading the letter but pretended then that she was okay. Second year came we were distant, I was scared of getting close, as I wasn't ready to let a good friend down. Well, by divine providence, exams somehow brought us together. Then I started seeing the handwritings on the wall, and it was almost like I needed her closer in my life. I couldn't close my eyes to pray and not hear Daddy tell me something about her. Then the set up came, February 2011, Daddy asked me to write her another letter and told me how to package it. I couldn't say no, cause in as much as I wasn't ready, the deal I had with Daddy was that as long as He led me I'd follow. So I had to follow. So it turns out that on February 16 that same year, she agreed to "walk with me” after I had unknowingly "proposed" (I was simply following Daddy's lead). Now, I don't believe in Valentine's day hype but it turned out that I unknowingly got her a Val gift! What a setup!!! I remember getting to school that Monday morning and using my last N200+ plus to get her a card. *scratches head* That is the most memorable day in my life!
She accepted. Her reply? "Let's see how it goes." And that's how we started our walk. I was still scared though for plenty reasons. I wasn't ready to hurt my best friend by my actions (even though I wasn't hers), I wanted the best for my friend and wasn't sure I was. The next 3 years had their ups and downs. I didn't have so much money and she did. So I had to overcome that. Solution was to build myself up and look for ways to make extra money to at least sustain myself. My school father usually says that it doesn't make sense to have a girlfriend and still be depending on your parents to spend on her. So I needed to be able to make money and depend on my abilities to provide. She tried as much as possible to not make me feel bad for not always having enough. I tried not to, but it was tough. I suddenly discovered I had began learn graphics designing on my own. I was inspired by a then-medical student and now-medical-doctor who was really good at graphics designing with CorelDraw. I asked him to teach me, but he was in his final year and was really busy. So, I started to learn on my own (I've been blessed with the gift of understanding computers... As long as they speak English and I can undo, I can explore the possibilities). Now I've been designing for the past 2 years. That has brought me some good money, especially in this 2014. One thing that I must mention here is that, this lady really does know how to read me and when she saw my passion for designing, she went out of her way to help me. I didn't have a laptop and I needed a laptop if I was to grow fast. To my surprise, she went home and got me her old laptop that just needed some OS reloading and new charger to start working again. Knowing how I didn't always like collecting things from her, she stylishly dropped the laptop in my room and said I cud return it when I get mine. Wow! I was really shocked! I had to accept (she left me not much of a choice) and that was how my designing started. Now I am starting a blog and one of the things I'll be sharing is designing and all these have made me begin to explore the possibilities of medicine and design.
Next challenge was time management and planning. I am a chronic late comer (working on that part of me). I only used to plan how to build my team on football manager and that was all about my planning. Every other thing was dealt with as they came up and that part of me really vexed her (still vexes her) and we fought a whole lot of times cause of that. I couldn't keep hurting her cause of my nonchalant approach to dealing with certain things that she'd usually always take seriously. So I had to start being meticulous in planning time and better manage my time with people so I can still have time for her (she gets really upset when she can't get time from me. What can I say? Attention is her key love language). That's helped me at being able to combine a number of other responsibilities with school work and not suffer too much on the school front.
Then comes the money aspect, saving this time. I just didn't know how to sustainably save. I wasn't extravagant in spending either. I just usually didn't know how my money finished even when I stayed long periods without touching the money (I'll just discover that it's finished). I lived within my pocket money and respected myself by cutting my cloth according to my material. And then I felt I just didn't have enough to save well. Well, she changed that. She's an ardent saver! I mean, she can save to get anything she wants (I mean anything) and you'll never notice (I never knew until she told me). In colloquial terms, she can save for Africa! For my birthday this year, she got me a tablet, a Lenovo Idea-Pad A3000-HV (gave me in March though as she said she saw I desperately needed a good phone). That moved me! “She saved to do that?! Who am I not to save.” What a woman can do a man must be able to do with added swag (except biological childbearing and biological breastfeeding)! That aside for a while, walking with her always made me to want to keep improving myself to make her happy. So I attended forums for men regularly when I could (I usually always planned to attend them). At one of them I met Mr Pascal (founder of Levels) and he shared some insights on money management and capacity building. His words inspired me and I secretly began imbibing some of the principles he taught. And you bet, saving was one of them. Back to the story, she was the catalyst that pushed me further to resolving to save and always save no matter how small (and the saving goes along with my tithe too). The result of that decision? I was able to successfully plan for her birthday and wow her. It felt cool, really cool. And I've also been able to get some needed things for myself without having to meet my parents for money. NICE! Now that was my biggest achievement this year--being independent financially (to a great level compared to last year).
I could keep on writing and writing but you get the gist of how important she's been to me. I can't trade her for anything. A pure source of inspiration to me anytime any day. Plenty times she's saved my stomach. And at those times when you need a friend to speak sense into your head, she's fully willing to speak them. A mother to plenty children here in school, a determined soldier, a brave fighter, and a loving friend she is. It was easy living 2014 with her by my side. I loved every bit of it. I'm happy we didn't quarrel so much this year. I guess I am beginning to understand how to keep a woman happy. I still have a lot to learn though (as the stakes are higher when rings are involved, and when children come, and when you get older... I hope you understand what I mean). I'm so happy Daddy gave her to me. I couldn't have asked for anything more. *I never hespered it:-) *
Why am I writing this? Simple, I never want to forget the experiences I've had with her in my life. I've come to realize too that what we remember are what we choose to remember, whether consciously or otherwise (med school taught me that). Writing helps me remember. Sharing helps me reach other people.
Thank you for letting me share.
PS: BB, if you [are] read[ing] this, thank you so much for helping all these years (this year especially). God bless you. I love u loads! Happy Anniversary. #4YearsAndCounting
Originally written for okizle.wordpress.com Click here to view
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